Electrify Your Sex Life - How to Get Rid of Sexual Hangups and Inhibitions and O.

ELECTRIFYYOUR SEX LIFEhow to get rid of sexual hangups and inhibitions and open yourself to pure pleasureCAROLE ALTMAN, PH.D.Electrify Your Sex Life shows you how to:• Create sexual images that turn you on and keep you turned on all the way to climax• Intensify your own sensuality • Devise lovemaking plans that take you and your partner to new heights• Cure common sexual dysfunctions • Shed inhibitions• Come to terms with “forbidden sex”Everyone has sexual inhibitions—but not all of us have gotten themout of the way and opened ourselvesup to more fun, fantasy fulfillmentand, of course, orgasms.Step by step, at a comfortable pace,anyone can obtain dramatic resultsusing Electrify Your Sex Life. ELECTRIFY YOUR SEX LIFEhow to get rid of sexual hangups and inhibitionsand open yourself to pure pleasureCAROLE ALTMAN, PH.D.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page i Copyright © 2004 by Carole AltmanCover and internal design © 2004 by Sourcebooks, Inc.Cover photo © 2004 The Image Bank/Samantha MessensInternal photos © 2004 Photo AltoSourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or byany electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrievalsystems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles orreviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.P .O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410(630) 961-3900FAX: (630) 961-2168www.sourcebooks.comLibrary of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataAltman, Carole.Electrify your sex life : how to get rid of sexual hangups and inhibitionsand open yourself to pure pleasure / by Carole Altman.p. cm.Includes index.ISBN 978-1-4022-1606-0 (alk. paper)1. Sex instruction. 2. Sex. 3. Psychosexual disorders. 4. Self-helptechniques. I. Title.HQ31.A4939 2004613.9'6—dc222004000079Printed and bound in the United States of AmericaBG 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page ii To Jodi, Alyssa, and Robbie for giving me the love that perfectsand energizes my life.To the many brave and wonderful men and women who helpedme to develop this program and who proved it is love that givesour lives meaning and purpose.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page iii acknowledgmentsMany thanks to the thousands of people who trusted me to helpthem and who helped me develop this program.Thanks also to my children, who supported me and accepted mycareer so graciously, even when they were embarrassed (imagineif your mother was a sex therapist!); and to my sister, Betty, a greatsource of encouragement and my sidekick through it all.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page iv table of contentsIntroduction: You Can Get Rid of Your Hangups Without Therapy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .viiSection I: Electrifying Concepts and Procedures . . . . . . . . . . . .11. The Physiology of Sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22. Put Power in Your “Sex Muscles” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14Section II: The Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .213. And Now You Begin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .224. Making Contracts to Enhance Your Sex Life—Contracts I and II . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .325. Intensifying Your Sensuality and Sexuality . . . . . . . . . . . .446. Relaxation and Image-Making . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .607. Know Your Body, Know Your Mind—Sexual and Image-Making Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .788. Sexual Sharing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .989. The Lovemaking Plan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10610. The Nonpenetration Contract—Contract III . . . . . . . .11811. The Full Sexuality Contract—Contract IV . . . . . . . . . . .124Section III: The Cures—Sample Case Histories . . . . . . . . . . . .13112. Do I Have A Problem? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13213. Premature Ejaculation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13814. Impotence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .152Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page v 15. Retarded Ejaculation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17016. Frigidity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18217. Nonorgasmic Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19818. Vaginismus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20819. The Pandemic of Inhibited Sexual Desire . . . . . . . . . . .220Section IV: “Forbidden” Sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24520. Variety Is the Spice of Life—Specials and Turn-Ons . .24621. Inhibitions—To Have or To Shed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .258Addendum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .271Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .275Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page vi introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyThe orgasm—the physiological response of the body to a varietyof physical stimulations. The orgasm—the transcendence of all.The sharing of loving feelings in a giving and taking of energy andexcitement. The orgasm—a circular flow that has no equal. Amoment in space and time during which we are completelyreleased—no tensions, no worries, no fears…the orgasm. We allwant it. We all need it. We all seek it.Unfortunately, however, there are those who find it difficult tofully enjoy their sexual lives. Those who suffer from a sexual inad-equacy or from inhibitions that deprive them of their right topleasure. Sex therapy is the answer for them. Sex therapy is sowell-defined, so systematic, so simple to follow, and so easy toeffect that people can work on their own, following step-by-stepprocedures. You can do it yourself.This program is for anyone who feels dissatisfied with his orher sex life. It will work for you if you are not seriously disturbedpsychologically and if you do not have a physiological dysfunc-tion. If you can commit yourself to the program, if you can takeyourself seriously enough, follow the instructions, and practicethe techniques with pleasure, then you can be sure that there isno danger of your being disturbed psychologically. If you haveserious problems with commitment, with staying with the pro-gram, with helping your partner, and working together or withyourself, then I suggest that you seek professional help beforecontinuing with the program.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page vii electrify your sex lifeviiiIf you are sexually dysfunctional, this does not mean that youhave a physiological problem. If you are male and you can ejacu-late and can attain an erection, then you are not suffering physio-logically, although you may be dissatisfied with how you functionsexually. If you are female and you lubricate upon stimulation andhave sensation in your genital area, then you are probably notphysiologically dysfunctional. Further discussion of this isincluded in the chapters dealing with specific sexual dysfunctions.Many practicing homosexuals have asked for therapy. Theirtherapy is exactly the same as for a practicing heterosexual—ifthey are coming to therapy to ease a sexual problem or dysfunc-tion. If they are coming to therapy because they no longer want tobe homosexual, then this help-yourself program is not for them.They must seek more traditional psychotherapy. But a homosex-ual who is content with his or her sexual preference but havingperformance problems can benefit from this system. Anyone canfollow the directions, exercises, techniques, and questionnaires,regardless of his/her situation: heterosexual, bisexual, with apartner, or without a partner.This book is designed so that you can follow the program,master it, and use it to the fullest for your own development,growth, and improved sexual life. This program takes you by thehand and leads you, step by step, through an entire course ofexercises and experiences to a gratifying sex life—the joys andpleasures of satisfying your physical and romantic needs.This program is not limited to those experiencing a sexual dys-function or problem. It works for married couples who are boredwith each other and take each other for granted. It brings back thezest and excitement they had in their lives when they first met—and more. Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page viii introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyixElectrify Your Sex Life will teach you how to tear down barriers,how to build toward the self-confidence and self-awareness inte-gral to truly enjoying your sensual self.When I first began working as a psychotherapist, I followed allof the psychotherapeutic techniques I was trained in during morethan five hundred hours of extensive experience and supervision.These included bioenergetic and Gestalt approaches, as well assensitivity training and encounter work.But I experienced a great deal of frustration as a therapist. Iobserved patients struggling for months at a time with very littlevisible gain. Of course, change is difficult, even with therapy, andso I struggled along with them, my frustrations empathic withtheirs.Many of my patients were suffering from sexual hangups.Working with these patients, I observed that personal growth andchange were achieved with relative ease once such hangups wereresolved.For example, a young woman I’ll call Jan, who was having aterrible problem with her identity—unsure of whether shewanted to stay married or not, unsure of her career, unsure of thedirection her life had taken—was also unable to achieve orgasm.We began using the techniques you’ll read about in this book toameliorate the problem. She followed the directions and exer-cises without any therapeutic discussion as to why she couldn’tachieve orgasm.Within two weeks, Jan was able to have an orgasm throughself-stimulation. After only three sessions, she and her husbandwere deeply involved in improving their sex life and were experi-encing orgasm together, following the techniques described inthis book.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page ix electrify your sex lifexThe most gratifying thing was that not only did Jan’s sex lifeimprove, but she was a happier, more content person both in herwork and in her marriage. In fact, two years have passed sincethen. Jan is now pregnant and very excited about her marriageand about becoming a mother. Success in such cases motivated me to do more sex therapywith my patients. I studied all known techniques, but I also begandeveloping my own approaches. By now, my studies had shownme that the program I had worked out for Jan, for example, wasoriginal in that it offered much more than the traditional cure fornonorgasmic women. My approach was a fuller, more completeprogram than those that existed in the sex clinics I studied.I geared my private practice to the specialty of sex therapy, see-ing new patients only if they had specific sex problems theywanted solved. I led groups of couples with sexual problems; Idiscussed sexual problems on several radio programs on which Iwas a guest. My cable TV program, Awareness With CaroleAltman, became directed more toward sexual problems. Myguests were eminent authorities in the field: Dr. Barbara Hogan ofthe Cornell Medical College Sex Clinic, Dr. Freyda Zell of theConsultation Center for Women, Dr. Barry Lubetkin of theInstitute for Behavior Modification in New York, among others.On the TV show, I interviewed couples who had resolved theirsex problems using the program I was developing. I also offeredadvice and suggestions to people who called me about sexualproblems. One of my case histories was discussed in a New YorkPost article on sex therapists. I continued learning as much as I could about current sextherapy approaches and improving and adding to my own uniqueapproach.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page x introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyxiI was enjoying my work. Results in sex therapy are more rapidthan in the slower-moving therapies I was used to—and muchmore dramatic. Sexual problems are often at the root of manyother problems. Solve the one and you solve the other. You canimagine how gratifying it is for a therapist to watch a patientchange from a frightened, insecure individual to a happy, confi-dent one. With every successful patient, I felt more and moreassured in my approach to sex therapy.I was constantly analyzing the process my patients wentthrough. I realized more and more that I was merely a tool in thehands of my patients. They used me basically as a source of infor-mation. They improved, were cured, and became happier largelybecause of their own efforts and their own determination. The techniques of sex therapy, first developed by Masters andJohnson, and further refined in hundreds of sex clinics through-out the United States, are all based on a sort of do-it-yourselfapproach. Patients with sexual problems are given directions thattell them what they should do. Then they go home and try to fol-low these directions. They discuss their attempts with the thera-pist, and the therapist then helps them make it easier for them tofollow the directions next time. For example, following traditional sex therapy, I might tell acouple to be kind to one another for one hour each evening.During their next session they might discuss with me the factthat he or she had trouble being kind, and we would talk aboutthe difficulty of giving to each other, of receiving graciously,and of paying attention to each other in general. Together, wewould devise a plan that, hopefully, would work better duringthe next week, and they would experience less difficulty inbeing kind.Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xi electrify your sex lifexiiI realized that patients could actually learn to have these dis-cussions, follow directions, and work through their own prob-lems—without a therapist present—if they were shown how in asimple and direct way.This may sound “too easy” to many sex therapists, but I feelstrongly that this is what sex therapy should be, essentially, whereno other severe psychological problems are present.I became more and more entranced with the idea of patientsbecoming cured through their own efforts and determination.Seeing my patients improve so rapidly and easily, largely throughtheir own efforts, the idea of an effective program of do-it-yourselfsex therapy seemed more and more possible to me.I continued to develop my own sex therapy program, encour-aging my patients to do more and more of the work themselves. Bynow, my schedule was becoming so full that I could not possiblysee everyone who called for an appointment. I began to give theexercises and techniques I was developing to patients who werenot mentally ill, but needed some instruction and help. I gavethem written instructions about what to do and found that theyfollowed these with the same success as patients who did see me.I continued to give written instructions to those patients whowere willing to work with a help-yourself sex therapy program. Imonitored their experiences, constantly improving the programso that it could work for anyone, without a therapist and at a verylow cost.The completed program took more than two years to developand refine. I worked with more than two hundred patients. Itested the system with all new patients who were willing to betheir own sex therapists. There were many who welcomed theopportunity to work at home. Some lived far from my office andElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xii introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyxiiifound travel difficult; others could not afford the fees. Still otherswelcomed the chance to avoid the embarrassment of sharingtheir most intimate thoughts with a stranger—even a therapist.Some liked the challenge of being on their own, working towardgoals that they themselves set, at their own pace and in the pri-vacy of their homes.The reactions of my patients were encouraging and exciting.They realized that they could change a part of their lives by beingdetermined, and by caring enough about themselves to workhard and follow directions. They knew that they were responsiblefor their own success or failure with the kind of therapy I wasoffering and they accepted the challenge. Some patients, of course, needed more encouragement thanothers. Some needed more individual attention before they couldget started on help-yourself therapy. That was to be expected atthat early stage, since the program had not been developed fully.But these snags have now been removed by the best teacher:experience. I have developed questionnaires and other devices tohelp you avoid the problems that arose for some patients in theearly days of the program.For example, some people needed guidance to define theirproblems and to focus on what they wanted in their sex lives. Noteveryone is clear as to what their goals are. For such people, I havedeveloped the questionnaire in chapter 3, “And Now You Begin.”I also devised a system of writing contracts, committing you toyourself and to your partner, clarifying exactly what you will dofor yourselves and exactly how you will do it. This is explained inchapter 4.I have discovered in my work as a therapist that people needguidance in learning how to communicate with each other on aElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xiii electrify your sex lifexivtruly deep, honest, and open level. Therefore, I developed a seriesof questionnaires to help improve communication skills andawareness.My extensive experience in the field of biofeedback, using themind to control physiological functions, gave me insight into theneed to know how to relax and to quiet your mind so your bodycan enjoy to the full the pleasures of the flesh. I developed relax-ation exercises, clearly described and easy to follow, to teach youhow to relax your mind and body. I developed exercises to helpwith this relaxation process that actually train you to becomemore creative and imaginative, to help you to create images inyour mind’s eye. Awareness of my own body and my training in physiologyshowed me the importance of being able to use the body as effec-tively as possible, enjoying it to the utmost. I developed a system forthe use of the “sex muscles” described, step by step, in chapter 3.In addition to working with people experiencing sexual dys-functions, impotence, frigidity, etc., I also work with people whohave sexual problems that are not considered to be dysfunctions,but that I consider to be problems because they keep them fromenjoying their sexual selves fully. Such problems include inhibi-tions, rigidities, repressive attitudes, and inability to communi-cate, to ask for what you want, to give as much as you’d like, or toshare feelings and desires.For these situations, I have developed questionnaires toincrease communication skills and help you toward greater self-awareness. I also devised the “desensitization” program describedin chapter 20.What began as a series of exercises for people with certainsexual dysfunctions has evolved into one of the most unusualElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xiv introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyxvsystematic approaches to sex therapy today. In this program, Ihave incorporated all of the scientific information you need toknow to improve your sex life. I have developed simple, easy-to-follow exercises and techniques—in a step-by-step approach—to help you reach your own personal goals. I have tested this sys-tem and I know it works. Some patients have shown improve-ment in as short a time as one week. Most take from four to sixweeks to complete the program.There have been some spectacular successes. A nonorgasmicwoman came to see me. She had been in traditional analysis forfive years, seeing her therapist three times a week. After followingthe relaxation exercises I developed, she began the masturbationtechniques outlined in the chapter on frigidity. She experiencedher first orgasm after only one week following this system.This woman and the cases described in the chapters dealingwith specific dysfunctions such as frigidity are only some of themany people who have benefited from this program. It is a pro-gram that works because it has been developed with real peoplewho wanted it to work, who wanted to succeed. I have made every effort to include all of the problems pre-sented to me during the testing of the program. Throughout thebook, I share with you some of the situations others faced andshow you how to avoid making the same mistakes. I have refinedand changed the system so that you won’t be faced with many ofthe problems they faced.Nothing succeeds like success. Many of my colleagues haveincorporated the use of relaxation techniques into their privatesex therapy practice, as well as the use of image-making and con-tracts. Dr. Barbara Hogan has called my technique of urine con-trol ingenious because it is so simple to learn and so effective inElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xv electrify your sex lifexvithe treatment of male dysfunctions such as premature ejacula-tion and impotence. (You’ll read more about this in chapters 13and 14.)You will find throughout this book that I consider everythingthat is pleasurable and without pain or danger to yourself or othersas acceptable and wonderful. But there are certain types of behav-ior that I warn you against—not in terms of being “sick” or “wrong”or “perverse,” but in terms of what real pleasure and joy are.If you are not seriously emotionally disturbed, if you are notphysiologically impaired, and you truly want to improve your sex-ual life, this system can work for you. But there are problems thatcannot be solved by help-yourself sex therapy. I indicate whatthese are throughout the book and want to stress here that if pro-fessional help is indicated, please seek it.Before getting to work on your own help-yourself therapy pro-gram, please read all of sections I and II, and the chapter in sectionIII that applies to you, if you are suffering from a specific sexualdysfunction. Then you will be fully aware of the commitment youmust make.When you begin, follow all of the instructions as closely as youpossibly can. Do not skip anything. Do not ignore anything. Everyexercise, every moment that I ask you to spend completing aquestionnaire or following an exercise, is planned and designedfor a specific reason. The amount of time the program takes to complete is entirelyup to you. You may need as little as one week, or as long as sixweeks—or more—depending on your goals, how much time youspend on yourself each day, and how hard you work. But unlessyou have a physiological or psychological problem, or an uncon-scious wish to keep yourself unhappy and unfulfilled, you canElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xvi introduction: you can get rid of your hangups without therapyxviisucceed—if you follow all of the instructions precisely as they aregiven. Learn from my experience and the experience of myclients. Do not try to develop your own system. Use this one—itworks! In a clinic or in a sex therapist’s private office, this programcould cost you as much as three thousand dollars. In your ownhome, you need make no further investment—no equipment, nomedication, no medical or psychiatric consultation is required(for the majority).Historically, people have always dealt with their erotic feelings“undercover,” so to speak. Most of us are reluctant to share ourinnermost feelings with strangers or admit that we want moreexcitement and pleasure in our sexual lives. This book gives youthe opportunity to retain this right to privacy and intimacy. Youalone, with your partner, confiding in no one else, can share yourlove and joy and gain heights of sexual pleasure and freedom.The benefits of this system are many. The program has workedfor hundreds. Its success has been proven. It has given me a greatdeal of personal satisfaction to see so many people—at such lowcost and with such ease—change their lives so dramatically andpositively.The program is now yours. Use it well. Use it successfully.Enjoy it. I wish you all the pleasure and success that others havegained. Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xvii Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page xviii Electrifying Concepts andProceduressection oneElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 1 chapter oneElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 2 the physiology of sexIn his book The Function of the Orgasm, Dr. Wilhelm Reich statedthat a person cannot be physically or emotionally healthy unlesshe experiences frequent and complete orgasms. He definedorgasmas “the capacity for complete discharge of all dammed-upsexual excitation through involuntary pleasurable contractions ofthe body.”Orgasm, the complete discharge of energy, is necessary for ourphysical and emotional health, according to Dr. Reich. I agreewith him completely, and so do hundreds of other doctors andpsychologists. When Dr. Reich wrote The Function of the Orgasm,it was a revolutionary book, decades ahead of its time, and didnot receive enough attention or acclaim. Since then, there has been a sexual revolution. Today, all wecan learn, all we can do to improve our sexual lives, all we canenjoy, is becoming accessible knowledge and a welcome additionto our lives. We are seeking—we are finding.In this book, you will gain a great deal of information about sex-ual practices. There are techniques for improving and enhancingyour sexual life, as well as a systematic program for curing the mostcommon sexual dysfunctions that plague so many. Today, with thenew sex therapies, no one need suffer from such a dysfunction.I’d like to share with you now some of the physiology of sex. Ifeel strongly that the more you understand the actual reactions ofyour body to various stimuli, the more you can improve your sex-ual life. Knowledge of body parts, the most sensitive areas, andthe reactions that are expected and desired are all tools that canenhance your sexuality. Elect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 3 electrify your sex life4Let’s begin with the genital areas.In the female, there are the outer and inner lips along the out-side edges of the entrance to the vagina, known as the labia. Thevaginal opening is approximately one inch above the base of theselips. The urethra, the opening for urine to pass through, is approx-imately one inch above the vaginal opening. The clitoris is thehead of these lips, almost where the lips come together at the top.The clitoris has a piece of skin over it known as the clitoral hood.This hood is a godsend to women. The clitoris, with thousandsof nerve endings in its tiny area, is exquisitely sensitive. Directcontact with the clitoris might be very painful or, at the least,uncomfortable. This hood allows a woman to be stimulated to thepoint of excitement while it simultaneously prevents pain.Another magical touch of Mother Nature is that all of the nerveendings—or sensory preceptors—in the vagina are located onlyat the mouth of the vagina, within an inch or so of the vaginalentrance. Again, this is to prevent pain. If women had nerve end-ings throughout the vagina, the pain of childbirth would be muchmore excruciating. But the way women are created permits thehead of the child to pass through the vaginal canal almost entirelybefore any nerve endings are reached. This is also one of the reasons why the length of the penis isnot at all important to pleasurable sex. Because the nerve end-ings, the sensitive area, are within an inch or so of the mouth ofthe vagina, the rest of the vagina receives very little sensationfrom the inserted penis.Another fact that belies the mythical benefits of a large penis isthe “ballooning” quality of the vagina. The vagina is shaped like aballoon that has been slightly blown up, one that has air at the endof it. As the penis penetrates, the vagina adapts to accommodateElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 4 the physiology of sex5it, as if the balloon were getting fuller at the end. It remains unex-tended if the penis does not require more room. The walls of theentrance to the vagina stretch only enough to accommodate thepenis. Whatever the circumference of the penis, it is not a criterionin the stimulation of the vagina.The only really essential issue is that you use positions duringsexual intercourse that satisfy you best. Since the clitoris needs tobe stimulated in order to climax, you should position yourselvesso that the clitoris is stimulated as much as possible, and sexualintercourse will be that much more pleasurable. Some positionsoffer more possibility for this than others. You must find thosepositions that are best for you. You can also masturbate or bemasturbated during intercourse. Many women and men find thisvery exciting and satisfying. Experiment until you find the posi-tion that is most satisfactory for your own bodies and pleasures. Speaking of the clitoral orgasm, I feel it is unnecessary to godeeply into the great argument about the vaginal orgasm versusthe clitoral orgasm. As stated above, there is only one orgasm, andthat is achieved through clitoral stimulation. If a woman doeshave an orgasm during penetration, it is because the thrusts ofthe penis are pulling down on her labia, which, as they movedown, stimulate the clitoris. It is this stimulation that helps toincrease the vaginal contractions that are bringing on the orgasm. During orgasm, the vaginal walls are contracting once everyeight-tenths of a second. The contractions of the vagina due tothe excitation, increased tension in the muscles, and additionalblood flow in the genital area are all factors that bring a womantoward a climax.It is fascinating how perfectly our bodies work. As the femaleorgasm takes place, the uterus contracts, and thus dips downElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 5 electrify your sex life6slightly. As the uterus dips down, the mouth of the cervix dips downtoo, directly into the vaginal cavity where the semen has beendeposited. This movement is a kind of insurance that the spermwill swim through the cervix and into the uterus, so that the eggcan be fertilized.Menand women experience similar sexual stages and feelings,as well as similar reactions.The penis has several vesicles, or pouches, running through it.One carries the blood that causes an erection—blood flowincreases as excitation increases. Another is for urine and thesemen. Urine and the semen pass through the same vesicle,though at different times, of course. But though the urine andsemen are excreted through the same opening at the tip of thepenis and pass through the same vesicle, they originate in differ-ent areas of the body.The vesicle carrying the blood has no outlet. When the erec-tion subsides, the blood returns to the rest of the body throughthe same vesicle. A similar reaction occurs in the woman. Afterher climax, the additional blood that has rushed to the genitalarea returns to the rest of the body.On the penis, at the very tip, is the glans. This is just below thehood and at the very top of the large vein running alongside thepenis from base to hood. The glans is very sensitive, since thereare many nerve endings in this small area. When the glans isstimulated, the male experiences a great deal of pleasure. This isalso the spot to apply pressure to stop ejaculation by using the“thumb treatment” described in chapter 13, “PrematureEjaculation.”One of the examinations given to couples who enter sextherapy is an exploratory one. A doctor examines each of theElect. Your Sex Life internals 1/19/04 5:22 PM Page 6 the physiology of sex7partners and explains to the other exactly what each part of thebody is for and its technical name. An exciting moment in thisexamination for most of the men is when the doctor allows themale to look into the vagina of the female. It is truly such anamazing organ—to think that a child can be delivered fromsuch a small area! The col...